For many of years I was stuck in a routine of active addiction. Feeling stuck and knowing I needed to change. Knowing my way was not working. I stumbled into the rooms of recovery broken. Remember asking people what all do I need to change? Simple answer was given. Everything!!! Very overwhelming but through my journey it became necessary for growth.
First was the basics. I needed basics. I had no idea how to live. People,places and things. Talked about in most stages of recovery. I took full responsibility for my addiction however I couldn’t stay clean if I was around those old people,places and things. Something had to give if I had any chance. Dropping this things was huge to keep me away from the active madness.
New in recovery i was taught it was dangerous to continue to go to old places where I use to use. Why take risks to my recovery? How bad did I want to stay clean? I was broken what business did i have going back? Truth was I had zero business. Time was to work on Me nkt worry about the old places.
The number one priority was and always will be my personal recovery. Without that I have nothing and am no good to anyone. I had to cut everyone off. Sometimes that means family. Whatever it takes. Not to worry about what will they think. If they really cared about your well being they would respect your recovery and decisions.
Changing things was hard for me. Everything I did was revolved around the drink and the drug. How could I shoot pool without getting high? How could I go to a sporting event and not drink? Some of these things early on I didnt attend cause j wasn’t ready and didn’t know how to act. Eventually with doing work on self I could so these things. Early on absolutely not. I had enough going on. I didn’t need to add triggers to my problem. Meetings was a new thing I applied in my life. To each there own. I had to avoid risky behaviors and situations.
The idea to brake old patterns of behavior to lead to drink or use. Sometimes I would catch myself remembering the “good times” that could take me out immediately. The big change was playing the tape forward. Realizing the good times are over. Reality would be nothing good could come form me using :
Biggest change was realizing finally my way didn’t work and I can’t do it alone. Humble myself and ask for help. I didn’t have the answers. The only way I had a chance to change is rely on a program,God and others in recovery.
Change will always be something necessary in my life. When the pain is great enough Is when I will change a situation. If you find your self struggling with change your not alone. Change takes time. It’s a process believe. If nothing changes,nothing changes